Hamish and the Gravity Burp by Danny Wallace

Author:Danny Wallace [Wallace, Danny]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster

Tiny green blisters exploded, spraying a fine mist of plant juice all over Hamish’s hair.

And then, as his tummy sank and he closed his eyes, a thick red tongue flopped out and licked Hamish right up the face.

SCHLUUUUUUCK.

Hamish felt his nose being dragged upwards, then his eyebrows, then his forehead.

There was silence for a moment.

There was gunk everywhere.

The plant’s head shot back, and Hamish and the spytrap stared at each other.

And then the plant roared ‘EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!’, shrieked and retreated, shocked.

It shook its head, and spittered and sputtered to rid itself of the taste of yucky Hamish Ellerby.

‘UCCCCHHHUCCCCCHHHHHUCCCCCHHHHH!’ It wiped its mouth with its lank, viney arms. And then it stared at Hamish, looking almost hurt that he’d decided to taste so bad.

Hamish didn’t know what to do. So he just shrugged, apologetically.

In a way, he was a little offended that he seemed to taste so revolting. He’d had a shower only yesterday, and had even used some of Jimmy’s Tropical Pumpkin Man Mist on his underarms.

The plant was still making those strange noises and looking befuddled. It didn’t seem very dangerous now. Its eyes had softened, and it wasn’t standing as tall as it had before. It looked beaten and annoyed, like it had been banking on eating Hamish and now it was back to square one, in a right old huff.

Well, Hamish had been raised always to be polite and try to put people at ease. So he looked at the floor, spotted a Chomp and, moving very slowly, he offered it to the spytrap.

The plant backed away. It didn’t trust Hamish any more. Not since he’d dared taste so foul.

But Hamish persisted, unwrapping the Chomp and pretending to take a bite and saying, ‘Mmmm!’

Now the spytrap, which must have been starving, moved a little closer – but like a wild dog, suspicious of Hamish’s motives.

Then it sucked the Chomp from Hamish’s hand and chewed it slowly . . .

Then quicker, devouring it in just two bites!

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